Paper 1

 a)

Olympics: Men’s 100-Meter Sprint Final


In the finals, today for the men's 100-meter sprint were Darvis Patton, Walter Dix(USA), Churandy Martina (Netherlands Antilles), Asafa Powell, Michael Frater, Usain Bolt(Jamaica), Richard Thomson, and Marc Burns(Trinidad and Tobago). 

All eight lined up for a chance to be the king of their event for the next four years but only one could be on top. Bang! The gun went off and Richard Thomson took off in the beginning with a tremendous hole shot. It was Olympic history how Richard started. Usain Bolt the young Jamaican sprinter struggled to keep up and stumbled trying to catch up. Thomson had a good lead for the first twenty meters and it looked like a Richard Thomson victory with no one near. However, Bolt regained his steps and chipped away at the lead.

 Bolt passed Thomson around the fifty pumping strides after stride. After he passed everyone and had a lead he looked over his shoulder to celebrate. Before he crossed the line Usain pounded on his chest in rejoice since this was his first Olympic final victory. Although he looked angry I bet he was proud to bring home the gold not only to his country but to his coaches.

B)

In Usain Bolt’s extract, he tries to connect with his fan base. He uses the bolded headline “Bang!” and “Pow!” to attract his audience. He also speaks about his personal experience in the first person to connect with the reader. His piece is also an autobiography because he talks about a specific life event. This attracts and connects with his fans. He uses direct quotes from his thoughts at the time which connect with the audience, “Can I chill?”. This shows his emotions during the race as well as shows off his dialect and personality with the word ‘chill’

He uses repetition with the word ‘chill’, he says it a lot to himself to show that he was stressed but still trying to keep calm. He also spaces out his dialogue in order to slow the time down. Although the moment only lasted a few seconds he makes it feel like a longer period of time by spacing out his thoughts. This also adds suspense and has a dramatic effect to the story. He also used the word “bredder” which connects with his fans from his home country Jamaica. Bolt reminisces on this story in a passionate tone which stands out in his use of exclamation points and of how critical he is of himself in the end, “I went totally wild”.

In the newspaper report, I try to connect with the general public. I used a large bolded headline in order to draw the attention of the reader to this article. In the article, similar to Bolt’s extract, I talked about the race and the sprinters who were involved. I also wrote about race from a different perspective. I wrote in the third person point of view which gives a broader perspective of the race. While Bolt talks about how he felt at that moment. I described his actions from an outsider's perspective. This changes the mood since I describe his celebration as “rejoicing” and he describes it as “acted all mad”. 

We both use Onomatopoeia in order to add some emotion to our texts.  We both used the word “Bang!” to describe the shot of the gun. This also adds to the setting by describing the audio at the event. Another thing we did similarly is the order of information. We both described the same race and sprinters. Although my article described race from a different view we talked about the same events. For example, we both mentioned him ‘stumbling’ in the race.

Comments

  1. UnknownFebruary 8, 2022 at 5:33 AM

    Hi Phyllis,

    1A)
    Looking at your newspaper article, I can clearly see that you have a detailed understanding of the autobiographical text that was provided. Your use of different examples throughout the article really helped strengthen your writing. For example, when you discussed Richard Thompson’s historical start and when Usain Bolt passed him, these all strengthened your writing even further. It can also be said that you had clear references to characteristic features, such as when you brought up Usain Bolt’s initial struggle or his ‘pounding’ finish of the race. However, you did include the personal pronoun ‘I’ in your newspaper article, which takes away from it’s effectiveness. For the AO1 rubric, I would award you between 3 and 4 marks.
    When it comes to the AO2 rubric, I can say that you had a clear expression with occasional errors. Overall, your article was very well written and structured in a very organized manner, which made it clearer for the reader to understand. However, your first paragraph did not begin the article off as well as I am sure you had hoped. You begin the article by simply listing almost the entire roster of those who are in the race. If I were to start an article with this, I would list only 3 people at most. Regardless, your article was well-written and it included content that is relevant to the audience and purpose. I could also see your ideas developed clearly, and therefore I would award you 3 marks for this.

    1B)
    Your response to part B of the question showed that you have a clear comparative understanding of both your newspaper article, and Usain Bolt’s autobiography. This can be seen when you bring up, for example, how your article described the race from an outsider’s view, whereas Usain Bolt’s autobiography describes the race through first-person. Additionally, it can be said that you showed clear references to characteristic features. For this reason, I would award you with 3 marks for the AO1 rubric.
    In terms of your analysis within response B, I can see that you had a detailed and comparative analysis of elements of form, structure, and language. For example, you discussed how both you and Usain Bolt used onomatopoeia in your writing. You also discussed the mood that Usain Bolt created in his autobiography. Similarly, you discussed certain aspects of dialogue that Usain Bolt used in his writing. For this reason, I would also argue that you had a clear analysis of how the writers’ stylistic choices relate to the audience and shape meaning. In the AO3 rubric, I would award you between 6 to 7 marks.

    - Hor

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Goodest Blog WriterFebruary 8, 2022 at 9:14 AM

    Starting out with an outstanding beginning. I hadn’t even considered making a list of the names of those who were participating in the race but that is exactly what a newspaper would do. You recounted the events accurately without assumptions which shows that you completely understand the variety of texts. Without much to correct I believe that this calls for a AO1 (5/5) as a sophisticated understanding is shown with insightful references to characters. This can also be reflected in the creativity and accuracy for your AO2 score. With original ideas and accurate descriptions like in the first paragraph by saying “... today for the men’s sprinters…” Beyond this, a non exaggerated portrayal in the last two paragraphs of your writing. For that I believe it would make sense to give you a (4/5) mark for the AO2 score.
    In the second part of your response you do a great job with a detailed comparative understanding of texts. This is shown in the writing “In Usain’s extract…” and then later saying “In the newspaper report…” This shows comparison between the two extracts in chunks. This would improve the AO1 score. But, when considering the AO3, your analysis of language and structure is evident as well. We saw this when you wrote “ He uses the bold headline ‘Bang!’ and ‘Pow!’...” Which is talking about the onomatopoeic language used in Bolt’s writing. Which would make the AO1 a (4/5) and AO3 a (7/10).

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