Vacation

  It's 5 am and the alarm is blaring in my ear. I wish I could sleep in but I have a plan today. My uncle texts me that he is on his way so I get up to grab my things. I grab my old backpack and throw a towel in there. Next, I grabbed some lures and my tackle box since we were going to be fishing. My rods also had to be ready so I grabbed those and put all my things by the door. I didn't want to waste any time so I ate a quick breakfast. My uncle pulled up shortly after and I threw my belongings in and settled in for the drive. Our first destination was not far from home; it was the gas station. He fueled up while I ran in for some snacks. The sun wasn’t up and the gas station windows were still fogged up. I looked around for a minute but only grabbed a chocolate milk and a Kit Kat. The day is still beginning and when walking out of the gas station I immediately felt that everglades humidity that made it feel muggy. The truck did not make it better since it was packed but the thought of the keys took my mind off of it.

        The drive was quite peaceful. Just looking out at the road gave me time to think. Not to mention the everglades and all the different things you see as you go south. Passing through some small city that felt like a ghost town I saw a building filled with lights. It was a casino tucked away in this little area. Passing by it looked empty and there were not many cars around. A little after the casino we started to pass a couple nurseries. These places had tons of palm trees and plants. The green shined as the plants stood side by side waiting to be bought. It also looked like they sold animals but we had no time to stop. The road just kept going but we soon saw Miami. We only saw it because we turned away before entering the city. Our next destination was the Florida keys and we had no time to spare.

We finally reach the first key which is Key Largo. However, we passed right through and didn’t stop until Islamorada. Passing through we went over these massive bridges over the water. It was crazy how many people were there and how many cars were on this small road. Our first real stop is the Green Turtle Inn. At first this place just looked like some old restaurant but my breakfast was amazing. We then went to the tackle shop to get a few extra things before fishing. The tackle shop had a dock behind that I was curious about. When I walked out on the dock there were these massive silver tarpon that the people were feeding. Then, we left and went exploring and fishing. We stopped at one of those huge bridges and started our day of fishing.

While I was fishing I noticed how the current was ripping through and my line was being swept away. I also got a chance to notice how big the bridge was. I continued walking under the bridge but with no luck we kept going. The next bridge gave us some more luck and we caught a little snapper and a barracuda. We released them both and drove back to Islamorada to get some lunch at lazy days. Pulling up there was a huge sign that read “BUD n MARY’S MARINA”, and people were feeding bigger and even more tarpon. It was crazy seeing so many big fish in one area. After our lunch, we went to another bridge and this one had a little more to offer. We caught a bunch of snapper and even some to keep. Then we got some sheepsheads that were also in the slot. This trip was starting to turn around I thought as my uncle hooked onto a small grouper.

However, after he caught that fish the day was wrapping up. The winds started to pick up and the clouds surrounded us until the sky was nothing but clouds. We had some dinner to take home and had made some good memories. So we packed our stuff and made it out just in time before the rain hit. The rain hit hard and a majority of the ride home was filled with puddles and the constant noise of the windshield wipers.

Comments

  1. The ManMarch 28, 2022 at 7:20 PM

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  2. The ManMarch 28, 2022 at 7:20 PM

    Joe,
    I think that you have done a very good job on this blog. I had liked your use of descriptive language in order to describe the setting of the keys, but I think that you had rushed some aspects of the essay where you could have gone into more detail and depth to be even more descriptive. For example when you had said "When I walked out on the dock there were these massive silver tarpon that the people were feeding. Then, we left and went exploring and fishing." I think that you could have gone more into depth about the tarpon and shown a sense of sound. I think the only thing I would say is to take your time and go into more depth about each scene.
    I think that you had done a very good job on this essay as I believe you had attempted to use a range of language to describe the settings but it could have been more descriptive. I also think there were occasional errors in grammar but it did not affect the writing. I think that your text was also clearly organized and had been set up very nicely. I believe that you had generally followed the text as well and I think you had clearly expressed the audience. Overall I would give you 14/25. Great job!

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  3. BlueMarch 29, 2022 at 6:55 AM

    You show a clear expression throughout your writing. However, you don’t really touch upon color and sound throughout the story which was the main focus of the topic. At times you will describe the color of things such as ‘green shined as the plants’ and ‘silver tarpon’. You could have described the sunset as you drove to Key West and the places you stopped at. This would’ve taken your writing to be more effective because the storyline is well written but wasn’t very descriptive. Towards the end is where you mention sound when you talk about rain. I think you could’ve mentioned the rhythm of the rain to create more of a sound in someone's head. You could’ve been more descriptive with the sound by describing the distant chatter of people or the loudness of the cars passing by. As well as the noises while you are fighting the fish you are catching. (3)
    There are a few punctuation errors in your writing but, it does not impede communication. The only punctuation errors were that a few commas needed to be added here and there. Your writing followed well and was easy to follow and understand. (4)
    Your text is clearly organized as you described your actions in chronological order. Explaining your actions step by step makes it easy to follow the story you are telling. However, I think some paragraphs could be split up into new paragraphs to make things flow easier. In your fourth paragraph, you could have split the paragraph where you start introducing the marina. (3)
    The task is generally achieved as you don’t really mention color or sound throughout your writing. There are a few times you do as I stated in my previous paragraphs. However, the main task was to focus on sound and color, and to accomplish this is to be more descriptive in your writing and exaggerate everything almost. (2)
    The audience was addressed as you tell the story. Using chronological order takes the reader along with you and engages them by taking them step by step what is going to happen next. Being more descriptive would have captivated the reader more and used more emotion in the writing. (3)
    Score 15/25

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